What if we lost
by Sarah'1595
Summary: What if Katniss had never defeated President Snow and the rebellion had failed, where would they be now?
1. Prologue

I had been preparing for this moment for a while now. But nothing can prepare you for this. The numbness. My throat is closing and I can't breathe, I can feel my heart hammering into my chest, everything's moving in slow motion, people are grabbing me from all directions. Peeta's face must have reflected mine, sheet white and emotionless apart from that of shock. The rope fence and the quick approaching peacekeepers are the only thing keeping me from running head first into the crowd. Not now, please no. This had only ever happened in my nightmares, 12 years and they haven't subsided. Never in my life have my nightmares transformed into reality, its usually the other way round. I would have a pack full of mutts chasing after me, I would re-live our failed attempt at a rebellion, watch my comrades die, if I could keep this nightmare in my head. I know Peeta feels the same way, he grabs my hand and I can see the tears forming in his eyes as he knows the odds will never be in our favour. But nothing prepares you for this, no therapy, forgetting about it, even writing it down. No, nothing on this planet could prepare you for the moment your child's name is drawn at the reaping.


	2. Taking You Back

**Hey, judging by messages' I've recieved I guess people are a little confused so let me explain...**

**This story is basically just tells the story of what would have happened if Katniss never won the war against the Capitol and they were captured. The Prologue was a snapshot of their life 15 years after the war and from here on out it will take you back explaining what happened to them all, I hope this has cleared some issues up for various people!**

**This belongs to Suzanne Collins unfortunately, but this plot is MINE! muhaha!**

**On with the chapter!**

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><p>Chapter One- Taking You Back..<p>

I knew this would happen eventually; ever since they caught us in the capital 15 years ago.

It sounded like such a good plan until one of the residents in the Capital told the peacekeepers we were hiding in Tigris' basement. I honestly thought my life was over when they dragged the three of us out and then making us watch the bombs fall on the children; he made me stand there and watch my sister die. My screams meant nothing as his hands gripped me to the spot and his breathe, reeking of blood and roses, whispered in my ear telling me this was my fault. After that the whole situation is a blur, my mind detached itself from the problem in front of me and I went insane, the last thing I remember is them sedating me and waking up in District 12.

Haymitch told me that we had lost the battle; they let the bombs fall on the Capital and then announced to the entire capital that we had been captured. The rebels fell immediately and the only thing that came out of it was over a hundred dead children, my sister included. I knew all of this; the real question was why I was now back in District 12. Haymitch went on to the describe how Snow thought it was be more torturous sending me back to District 12, the place where my sister and mum lived, where my memories are a better form of torture than any thing he could conflict and not only would he punish me, oh no that wouldn't be enough for him, he would punish the entire town as well making sure that District 12 offer 4 children up in the reaping for the rest of the Hunger Games from here on out and their winning packages that are due to come monthly won't be coming at all. Not have I only driven my District into famine I've been the cause of two more innocent children dying unnecessarily, the exact thing I was trying to prevent.

"My mum, Haymitch. Where's my mum?"

"In the Capitol, she's gone to work at the hospital there. She was scared to come back here, memories of Prim and your father. She's not coming home Katniss." The look in his eyes told me he wasn't lying and this was killing him also in his own little way. Then I suddenly realised Peeta was with me and Gale. Where were they? Did the Capitol keep them as show puppets to advertise what happens if you stepped out of line. Were they even alive? If they were I'm sure they've been hijacked against me. The realisation made me sit up straight in my bed, pulling all sorts of wires out in the process.

"Peeta, Gale?" I almost choked out.

"There fine Katniss," Haymitch said slowly laying me back down, "Peeta is downstairs baking some bread and Gale, well Gale wasn't allowed to come back here." What. He wasn't allowed to come back? But this was his home, where all his family were. What did he do? Haymitch sensing my worry quickly assured me he was just fine and was sent to District 4 as part of the punishment we received.

"District 4, why District 4?"

"They thought that it would be harder for you if he was in another district and if they took him away from his entire family he would eventually crack and give in to Snow, 4 was just chosen at random." Before I could even ask my next question Haymitch was answering it, "they left Peeta here with you because also he has no family here and he knew you would want Gale instead of Peeta, Snow left him with you as the constant reminder to every district of what he could do to anyone if they stepped out of line." The anger was rising within him as each word came from his mouth, Peeta and I were like his children now and honestly I needed someone to show me they still held some form of emotion, Snow definitely hasn't been merciful in his punishment.

I could have been killed, however that may have been better than this. No sister, no mother, no best friend, all I was left with now was a boy who used to love me before he was hijacked to hate me and my coach. No-one else but the three of us, this was like the games all over again.

I hauled myself up onto my elbows, I couldn't lie around here any longer, I needed to get up, talk to Peeta and see what we were going to do from here on out- devise a strategy almost because living together permanently wasn't going to be easy. Peeta was surprisingly ok about the whole situation, whether I had caught him at a good moment I don't know, he seemed to think this was the best form of punishment he could have got. Yes, he was back at home and the constant reminder of his family was here but he wasn't in the Capitol under Snow's constant eye and that for him was the best deal he could have got. I didn't want to burst his bubble by telling him we probably were under Snow's watch and our conversation now was probably being transmitted to the Capitol but Peeta was happy and that was rare these days so I let him ride with the thought we were free.

Haymitch, however wasn't all for this new arrangement. As he wasn't directly in the Capitol no-one could prove he was there but they could prove he was involved with the rebellion and for that he deserved punishment, his punishment being he has to become mine and Peeta's guardian. For him he'd rather be in a cell in the Capitol facing all sorts of torture, at least he wouldn't have any responsibilities there.

I walked over to the window looking out at the forest where, right now, I longed to be. With my bow and arrow and Gale was when I felt most at home, the most free. Those days are long gone now, Gale's in District 4 facing his own form of torture but this didn't sound like the Gale I knew. The Gale in the forest was the one I knew best, the one who wouldn't conform to the pressures of society, who made his point very clear- the whipping incident proved that for sure. So why has he been silenced all of the sudden?

"Haymitch, What has Snow threatened Gale with?" I asked getting straight to the point. Haymitch and Peeta's head whipped round, Haymitch looked defeated, I had asked him something he really didn't want to answer, Peeta's eyes showed nothing but confusion- he obviously hadn't been told anything, once again. Haymitch looked torn, I could tell her was debating whether to just tell me straight up or put it nicely- I really wish he would just tell me straight, would make life easier. He went to open his mouth a few times and hesitated, and then he said it, the one thing that almost sent me over the edge.

"You Katniss, he's threatening him with you."

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><p><strong>PLEASE review! Let me know what you think!<strong>

**Sorry about the cliffy but it had to be done!**

**I'll try and get chapter's up weekly but I'm not making any promises but I am very excited for this story so it may happen who knows!**

**Hope you enjoyed and see you next time!**

**Sarah'1595 ..**


	3. Real or Not Real?

**The overwhelming amount of people that are reading this is brilliant, thank you SO much for alerting and adding this to your favorites!**

**But I'm going to be like an annoying author and ask you PLEASE to review this, I need to know hoe I'm doing and if this is actually any good! So please for my sake please review- Peeta would love you forever? ;)**

**This all belong to Suzanne Collins, but this plot in MINE!**

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><p>Chapter Two<p>

My throat went bone dry and I thought I was going to be sick. After everything Snow just couldn't leave him alone could he, even worse I knew I was responsible. I needed air, I couldn't breathe. My feet were heading to the door before I could tell them to; I stumbled out of the door and fell face first into the disappearing snow that had now turned to mush, it offered the wake up call I needed. I lifted myself up till I was sat on the floor crossed legged, who cared if I was outside, sat in the snow, in the middle of my pathway and to be frank I couldn't give a damn if anyone saw me. While I was lost in my thoughts the fast approaching sound of a women bought me back to the real world,

"You bitch, how could you do this to our District! More children are going to die now because of you! You and your stupid friends, you're not welcome here anymore! No-one wants you here Katniss, we're all going to starve because of you!" Her words cut straight through me like a knife. I was frozen to the spot, my limbs unresponsive; my mouth felt like it had been sewn together. In my coma-like state the woman continued to shout abuse at me as her husband, I could only presume, tried to haul her away. I missed that Haymitch and Peeta had come out. Haymitch was assisting in the efforts to remove this woman and Peeta had lifted me up, bridal style, and was carrying me into the house.

Even though I had slept for hours under sedation I suddenly felt very tired and managed to choke out for Peeta to take me up to bed. The day had already taken its toll on me and one, it wasn't a full day and two it was the first day of out imprisonment in District 12. The weight of the world feel on my shoulders and the floodgates opened, I sobbed into Peeta's chest realising what I had caused, the turmoil and destruction I leave in my path was becoming ridiculous- I wished the Capitol had killed me. Peeta laid me down on my bed, tucking me in, he hesitated twice before he finally walked out leaving me with my thoughts. I really wished he hadn't because when my eyes shut the nightmares returned, but this they returned with a vengeance.

I was on stage at the reaping, thousands of children looking at me. Their faces gaunt, their eyes sunken in, the hunger evident on their face. They all looked directly at me, they could see straight through me but that wasn't the worse part; I had to draw their names from the glass ball, I had to sentence them to death. Before I could pick a name a low murmur from the audience was rising decibel by decibel, they were chanting the same line over and over again,

"Your fault Katniss, your fault. We starve, we die. Your fault." The chant was getting louder and louder with each second, "Your fault Katniss. Your fault."

"No, no please stop!" I found myself replying but nothing worked, as they got louder so did I. "This isn't my fault, please listen. NO!" With that last scream I woke myself up, upright in bed and sweat pouring down my face.

"It was just a dream." I try to remind myself.

"Still getting the nightmares then Katniss?" I heard Peeta say from my doorway, he was leaning against the frame with his arms crossed across his chest. He didn't sound in any way sarcastic or glad that I was suffering, he seemed like he cared.

"Like you wouldn't understand. You?"

"Yes, I still get them but not as bad anymore, suppose the Capitol hijacking you had to have some benefits." He looked shattered and from the look on his face I could tell this wasn't as easy for him as he was making out.

"Peeta, what do you honestly feel about this situation? Having to be trapped here with me? Especially having to be here with Haymitch." I heard a small laugh escape from his lips, I hadn't heard anything quite genuine in ages and the sound of it filled me with hope.

"Well, Haymitch I can deal with easily- he's nothing on the wonderful Capitol peacekeepers, but you Katniss," Oh no, last time I heard those words I went into complete shock, here we go again so what else have I done wrong to force him to be here? "I want what we had in the arena." You what? Did I just hear him right or was my new re-enforced ear feeding me lies? How does he even remember that, didn't the Capitol erase those memories for good? Sensing the shock and evident confusion on my face he continued, "After you got sedated they shipped us all back here and just left us to our own devices, they knew the real trouble would occur when you woke up. So, I had to pass the time somehow and there's only so much bread you can bake before people start to get sick of it so I found the old arena videos we watched before the Quarter Quell and I found our games. The way you found me, cleaned me up, knocked me out to save my life, Katniss what I saw us like in the arena wasn't a lie, it wasn't fake it was real and watching that has started to jog a few memories of mine and I need to see if their real, do you mind answering real or not real again for me please?" I was speechless with Peeta's revelation still swimming in my mind but I think I could force 'real' or 'not real' out of my mouth.

"Sure." Relief washed over his face as he began to fire questions at me.

"I camouflaged myself in the mud?"

"Real."

"We were camped out in a cave for what seemed like ages and you forced me to eat?"

"Real."

"You kissed me?" I faltered at this last one, really not knowing how Peeta would react to the answer I would give.

"Real." A devious smile spread across his face before he asked the next question which threw me completely.

"You fell in love with me?" I didn't know how to answer this one, I did fall in love with him but it took me until after the games and just before the Quarter Quell to realise it and until after the Quarter Quell to accept it. There was only one honest answer I could give him.

"Real."

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><p><strong>PLEASE REVIEW!<strong>

**Thank you for reading!**

**Sarah'1595**


	4. 20 Years

**ArtemisKey, who reviewed this chapter- your private messages have been disabled so I couldn't reply- but I promise you that Snow's punishments will be revealed as the story goes along; Peeta and Katniss haven't got away with it that easy!**

**This all belongs to ME! But the characters and the outtake from Mockingjay in this chapter belong to her, CRY! **

**Hope you enjoy!**

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><p>Chapter 3- 20 Years.<p>

His face lit up like he had just been told the best news in the World. Maybe it was for him, this could go so wrong if that look stays on his face. Everything I touch turns to dust or it becomes a pawn in Snow's big game. It'd be safer if Peeta was far away, if he was with someone else, in another district, happy; a pang of jealously cursed through me when I imagined Peeta with another girl.

"Katniss, did you hear what I just said?" Peeta asked staring straight at me. He said something? I really needed to get this ear checked out again.

"Oh no, sorry was lost in my thoughts. You were saying?"

"I said, I said I wanted to stay here and make a go of things with you. I want back what we had in the arena Katniss- that looked special. It won't be easy I know, I still have flashbacks and they're not nice, but we have all the time in the World now." Is this real? I waited all this time to get the old Peeta back, I faced abuse after abuse being hurled at me by him, I tried desperately not to get him onto our mission in case he hurt himself or anyone else around him and now he wanted me back? There was this new feeling in my chest and I couldn't identify it, Peeta sensing my confusing quickly started to back track on his words, "You don't have to Katniss, and I'm not putting any pressure on you or forcing you into anything but-" I put my finger over his lips and scooted over in my bed patting the now vacant area next to me. Peeta crawled up and held me like he did in the arena. When I dozed off in his arms, like we used to, I really hoped I answered his question.

I woke up, rolled over and realised I was alone. Was that a dream or did I really spend the night in bed with Peeta? That must have been a dream, that was the old Peeta and he's long gone now the Capitol made sure of that. It felt so real though, him talking to me, appearing at my door, getting into my bed like we used to- it all felt too real to just be a dream. The smell of bread drifted upstairs and my stomach decided to wake up and remind me that I hadn't eaten for, what could have been days. I dragged myself out of bed and into the shower; the idea of running water always being at my fingertips still threw me. Jumping out of the shower I almost ran downstairs being solely led by my stomach. The bread was just coming out of the oven when I bounded into the living room, evidently in a better mood than yesterday.

"Morning Katniss, someone seems happy. Got a visit from the nice dream fairy last night?" Haymitch said with a smug smile on his face.

"No, actually. Just had a brilliant night sleep and I wasn't sedated either, so that's a bonus." Haymitch was stumped as he didn't expect me to reply that quickly and be that witty in my response. I heard Peeta snickering from behind me, I guess we were all in an upbeat mood today.

The bread Peeta served was absolutely beautiful, I hadn't tasted anything like it in my life. The way it just melted in your mouth and slid down your throat was just exquisite. However, whilst I was loosing myself in th bread I was essentially avoiding the point and I knew I couldn't any longer, I needed to know if Peeta was with me last night or if it was just a dream- I couldn't ask him upfront though- Haymitch was in the room and he would just go on and on and would never let us live it down. So I decided to approach it in a different way,

"Peeta, how are you feeling this morning? Good night sleep?" I hoped Peeta knew what I was trying to get at.

"Yes, best night I've had in ages. No nightmares at all." Oh, he wasn't understanding, maybe he was never in my room, maybe this was just a dream. I needed to know.

"What have you been doing to pass the time? I mean there's only so much bread you can cook, not that I'm complaining that is; this is lovely by the way." A look of recognition crossed his faced and my stomach started doing somersaults as the realisation that Peeta may have actually come into my room last night.

"Thank you Katniss, but your right. I've been going through your wonderful video collection, and Katniss it is rubbish." We both laughed at this statement as it was confirmed for the both of us that we did spend the night together last night. A sense of hope washed through me like never before, but I couldn't shake the feeling that Snow had more up his sleeve than he was showing us and what ever he had planned was going to tear us apart. But for now, I was going to enjoy this bliss as I didn't know how long it was going to last.

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><p>After the first few months things were hard for me and Peeta, he would have flashbacks and occasionally have to grip onto various things to keep his calm, but after a couple of minutes they usually passed and my old Peeta was back, he cooked bread that he sold down in the square to keep us going- people soon stopped resenting him once they tasted his bread and he had became some what a member of District 12 again, more than can be said for me. Haymitch hung around not wanting to leave us as he felt, with us having no parents that he was now our legal guardian so he had set up camp on the sofa and seemed to be blissfully happy and in a fast developing relationship with his old cleaner and Gale's mother Hazelle. It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be living around Hazelle, even though she offered me a constant reminder of Gale her being around also showed me that I was still saving Gale by helping his mum, it's what my best friend would have wanted me to do and he would have done it for me. Snow never really made an appearance in our lives much more and for the next 20 years we lived in a state of peace.<p>

_It took five years for me to agree. But Peeta wanted them so badly. When I first felt him stirring inside of me, I was consumed with only terror that felt odd as life itself. Only the joy of holding him in my arms could tame it. Carrying her was a little easier, but not much._

Lucas was a lot like me in the way that he very often kept himself to himself and was never happier than when he was with a bow and arrow. We weren't allowed to hunt outside of the District but we did set up a range in our back garden using an old piece of wood and some berries to draw the targets on with, he had inherited my accuracy of shot but looked almost identical to Peeta. Holly-Rue, on the other hand couldn't be more different. She had inherited my looks but that's where the similarities stopped, she was almost Peeta's double in personality. She was able to speak to people in such a way that would make them love her at the very first instance, her heart was made of pure gold and she saw no wrong in anyone or anything. She had become a huge hit in the square where people, when she became a little older, would come sometimes just to see her; the effect she had on people was truly limitless.

I knew, however, the time would come when Lucas and Holly would want to know what happened in the games, seeing as there weren't allowed to attend the local school, what with being mine and Peeta's children, I decided to tutor them at home teaching them all the vital stuff that they never taught them at school, things that may be vital to them in later life as I knew this wasn't the end for my family. Lucas was normally more than co-operative and as his shots became more accurate his confidence and courage grew even more. But Holly often objected to shooting arrows at a target, but she did take interest in the plant classes and was fascinated with medicine, she reminded me more and more of Prim everyday.

The day came when they asked why they weren't at school and why they were learning different things and I answered them as honestly as I could, telling them about the reaping's and how the odds were never in our families favour. Then when they became old enough to attend the reapings, I prepared myself each time for Lucas' name to be reaped, but surprisingly it never was, three years went passed and I finally thought the odds were starting to turn towards our family. As each year passed he wanted more and more to be reaped, Peeta and I made sure that they never had to enter there name in the pool more than once to gain tessera, we didn't need the odds against us even more, but for some unknown reason as Lucas learnt more about what me and Peeta went through in the games the more he, and many residents of District 12, wanted him to partake in them. After Snow abolished the law that meant you could no longer volunteer as a tribute, whosever name was drawn became a tribute, end of, and when Holly's name was reaped at the mere age of twelve he was not jealous or spiteful, he was scared and frustrated, because he knew that one of them was always going to be put into the games, he knew that he had a better chance of survival than Holly did, and he was right, my little girl wouldn't last two minutes in the arena.

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><p><strong>Hey, thank you for sticking with me for that chapter, it was one of the longest I've ever written! I hope it didn't get to confusing, I decided against talking about their entire life as I felt some of you may have got bored and stopped paying interest and reading, so I just summarized 20 years in about 500 words! I really hope I have given you an idea of Lucas and Holly-Rue, if not I'll explain a lot more in the next chapter!<strong>

**Once again, PLEASE review, if you have got this far can you please let me know how I'm doing. I'm not to sure at the moment! OH, and if you review you get a sneak preview of the upcoming chapter! Tempting I KNOW!**

**Hope you enjoyed it and see you on the next chapter!**

**Sarah'1595**


	5. Surprise

**Thank you SO much for your lovely reviews! I hope you have been enjoying the sneak peak's your getting from it! Ha!**

**Well here is Chapter 4 and I hope you enjoy!**

**Once again, all this belongs to Suzanne Collins, I'm just having fun with it!**

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><p>Chapter 4- Surprise.<p>

"You can't do this!" I heard Lucas shout from the crowd as Holly walked towards the stage surrounded by Peacekeepers, "she's only twelve! Please!" His voice was being ignored completely, this was what District 12 wanted; for me to suffer just as many families had done. Holly reached the stage and walked up with her head held high as she stood there waiting for the other tributes to be chosen, I had never seen my little girl hold so much courage, I could tell she wanted to cry but she didn't. Then Effie Jr, after pulling out the remaining tributes, a 16 year old girl, 13 year old boy and a 17 year old boy, there names were irrelevant to me- all I could focus on was Holly, praying she didn't let her guard down on stage. Then Effie announced to the whole of District 12,

"A direct message from President Snow. 'The tributes, unlike other years where they have been trained by Capitol regulated coaches, they will now be coached by former tributes. May the odds ever be in your favour."

My heart was in my mouth; he can't do this to us. No, no he can't do this. He can't expect me and Peeta to train Holly to fight in there, essentially train her to die. I turned to Peeta to gage his reaction, he was pale white, I didn't think it was possible for him to loose any more colour in his face but he proved me wrong. I saw him grip onto the rope as his mind flew him into another flashback, this was going to have an effect on all of us I just knew it. it was going to bring back Peeta's flashbacks with a vengeance, my nightmares would return and Lucas, god knows what effect this would have on Lucas.

We were told to come up to the stage, just as Haymitch had for us before he fell face first onto the floor. I remember thinking we had no chance after I saw that, after his spectacle in front of the whole of Panem. I wouldn't let these three children and holly, think that they had no chance; I grabbed Peeta's hand and whispered in his ear,

"Don't be like Haymitch." He knew straight away what I meant and straightened his back after his recent flashback and we walked on stage hand in hand. I saw the look on some of their faces, fear, confusion, hurt; all of them would have known why Peeta and I were here, why there were four of them and not two like the rest of the District's- Snow made sure the schools taught that to every student that walked through the door. When the realisation sunk in of who we were the look on their faces turned to anger and betrayal, we were the reason they were going to die, they were going to suffer at the hands of whatever the gamemakers wanted to throw at them, we couldn't do nothing apart from prepared them for the worst. I was scared to look at Holly, if she was mad at me I was scared I might break in front of the whole of Panem, that's what Snow wanted, he wanted me to crumble so my girl would die, but the look on Holly's face wasn't anger or betrayal it was something I'd never seen before. Determination.

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><p>The routine was still the same, each of the tributes were allowed time with their loved ones in separate rooms. None of the rooms have changed; still plush carpets and velvet chairs. This was where I last saw Prim before my games and I promised her I would win and where Peeta's dad gave me some cookies and promised to watch out for Prim. I am still oblivious to why he did that but that gesture meant more than anything my mum could have said to me that day. We walked into the room where Holly was, sat in the chair looking at her feet was my little girl. This must have been what it was like for my mum to do this, to say bye to her little girl; but this was different, I was going with her. She looked defeated; this wasn't the girl I saw stood on stage two minutes ago. The scene before me frightened me, she needed to pull herself together if she wanted to survive, and she didn't have long before she would be chucked in there on her own, without me, without Peeta. I was frozen to the spot and Peeta was the first one to speak.<p>

"Darling, look I know this sounds stupid but please don't be afraid. Me and your mother are there this year with you, sorting your sponsors and your gifts out. You already have a head start against the others because of the education your mum's given you. Please, Holly Rue don't be scared." I wanted to hit him. How could he tell a 12 year-old girl not to be scared, not to be scared of all the things that caused her mum and dad to be the way they are, to always be looking over their shoulders, something that had permanently scarred them? It seemed like she was on the same wave length as me when her head whipped up.

"Don't be scared? Dad how can I not be scared? These are the games that made you and mum like this. The ones that make you have flashbacks, mum with her nightmares, we don't even know Uncle Gale as a result of these games. Dad, these games bring nothing good to anyone, just entertainment to the Capitol." She wasn't stupid, she knew exactly what she was going in to and at that moment she reminded me more or a grown-up 20 year old than a mere 12 year-old. "Remember, dad I'm not silly. I know that I don't stand a chance, but I'm not going out without a fight remember that if at times it gets tough seeing me in there- I'll always be fighting." A single tear ran down Peeta's cheek as he touched the side of her face.

"Holly-Rue Mellark, you're not going out. You are going to walk out of that arena as a victor; you have nothing but victor's blood running through your veins. You weren't born a loser sweetheart, no-one is born a loser its what you decide to do with your life that makes you a loser, you have done nothing but right by everyone around you Holly, you have the support of District 12, so when times get tough in there don't forget that me and your mum are watching you and are with you at all times." With that he gave her a hug and she just cried into his shoulder. I knew I had to say something but I felt Peeta had just said it all; there really was nothing else to say. I just walked over and gave her a massive hug; there was no words for this moment. I had been keeping this for a moment like this, knowing it would come sooner or later, I pulled out the one thing I knew could silence Snow, which would make him feel small, if only for two seconds, it would be worth it. I felt a spark ignite inside of me, a feeling I haven't felt in 20 years as I handed over to my daughter the one thing Snow feared most. My mockingjay pin.

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><p><strong>WOO sorry for the cliffy but it just had to be done! I couldn't think to finish it anywhere else!<strong>

**Hope you enjoyed it and once again sorry to nag but PLEASE review, I can see from my wicked amount of readers there are loads of you reading so please just take time to review so I know how I'm doing!**

**Thanks for reading and sticking with it!**

**Sarah'1595**


	6. Tributes

**Hey! Here is a brand new chapter! This one is longer than normal but I really didn't feel there was anywhere that I could have stopped it other than the place I did. I do apologise if you don't like long chapters and if you do well your going to enjoy this one!**

**Thank you all for your lovely reviews they do make my day when I recieve them! So please if you make it to the end leave me a little note to tell me how I did, it would be much appreciated!**

**The characters belong to Suzanne Collins, I'm just having fun with it all! **

**Hope you enjoy!**

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><p>Chapter 5- Tributes.<p>

Holly pinned the mockingjay straight to her dress in the exact same position as I had all those years ago. Lucas came in and said his goodbyes, that was emotional in itself, he tried telling her to what to do and trying to give her some last minute pointers, but she didn't seem to be listening; she just wanted to give him a cuddle. A single tear slid down his cheek and he left, he was going to stay with Hazelle while we were at the games; he wasn't allowed to come with us and to be frank I didn't want him to, it meant that he would have to witness the horror that the games held first hand and I didn't want that for him. Peeta and I both gave him a quick embrace before he left, leaving the three of us stood there just waiting for the signal for us to get into the car that would take us to the station. None of us knew the words to say to each other, there were no words that could comfort any of us. The time came and we made our way out, it was a short ride to the train station, one that I wouldn't forget, my mind flashed back to the very first time I made this journey.

_It's a short ride from the Justice Building to the train station. I've never been in a car before. Rarely been ridden in wagons. In the seam, we travel on foot._  
><em>I had been right not to cry. The station was swarming with reporters with their insect like cameras trained directly on my face. But I've had a lot of practice at wiping my face clean of emotion and I do this now.<em>

I remember Peeta had been crying and he didn't have any shame in showing it either. I wondered if that was going to be his strategy but I remembered that he was fooling no one, he had strength; that was obvious by just looking at him.  
>A smile threatened to creep across my face as I remembered my husband before I knew anything about him, when he was just the boy with the bread.<br>As we approached the station nothing had changed, the reporters were still there with their insect like cameras but this time there were four tributes to get pictures of and they were all scrambling to get the best shots of Peeta and I. The four tributes walked behind us, we kept our heads held high and for the first time since the reaping I realise that Haymitch would be with us. That soothed me a little as he seemed to have an idea of what he was doing, he did keep Peeta and I alive two games in a row after all, whereas in comparison me and Peeta didn't have a clue what to expect. We stared straight ahead of us just as we had in the Quarter Quell and just as I did all those years ago I caught an image of myself on the television screen and we looked like a force to be reckoned with Peeta and I, as we boarded the train questions were flying around and there was two that seemed to catch my attention was that of a young extremely brave reporter and the other, a funny looking one who's features looked like they were in the wrong place,  
>"Katniss, do you think this is a fix devised by Snow to hurt you and Peeta?" the brave one shouted in our direction. I knew that Snow had planned this and I think it was lingering on the back of everyone's mind but no-one was brave enough to<br>speak these words. Before I could reply he was being dragged away from us by a peacekeeper, I didn't have time to think about the sort of punishment he would receive before the next question flew straight our way,  
>"How can these children expect to survive when you will do everything in your power to save your own child- you will ignore these children and let them die!" the outrage in his voice was evident. I boarded the train and almost broke down because he was right, I would stop at nothing to protect Holly. Even at the peril of the other children.<p>

The train was exactly as I remembered it, each tribute had their own chambers with a bedroom and bathroom with all the clothes they could dream of at their disposal. After all the photos at the entrance to the train was done the tributes dispersed into their own chambers with the orders to be ready for dinner. I can't imagine what they'll do once they have time to process all this, will they become a heap on the floor, their bodies being wracked with sobs? Would they find some form of inner strength that they never knew they possessed? These questions made me realise, the children that I am meant to be trying my hardest to save, I didn't even know their names.

Peeta and I had our own chambers which we were going to share, I was relieved we wouldn't have to be separated from each other, the nightmares were going to come thick and fast tonight and I needed Peeta beside me. I know it's a purely selfish move but we needed each other, more than ever now.  
>We both showered and laid in each others arms until I realised what I had to do. I left the room and headed down the hall, knocking on the first door I came across, the oldest boy out of the three answered. He towered above me and he reminded me to much of Gale, he had dark hair which was cut short and his bright blue eyes contrasted perfectly.<br>"Can I come in?" I asked, he stepped to the side motioning for me to come in. I walked around him and gestured for him to sit on the bed beside me, he was hesitant shifting from one foot to the other, I don't blame him, I've just barge into his room and I haven't explained myself at all.  
>"Sorry, I haven't explained myself. I'm Katniss Everdeen, your coach for the games." I waited to gage his reaction, nothing until he replied,<br>"I know who you are, your the girl who was the mockingjay all those years ago, who's failed attempt of a rebellion put me in this position here. Yes the odds were obviously never going to be in my favour but I could of had one more year! But you've ripped that away from me." his words cut deeper than anything anyone else had ever said to me. I would have rather been tortured by the Capitol than this. My eyes started to water but I knew what I came here for and I had to do it.  
>"I can totally understand where you are coming from and how you are feeling, remember I've been where you are now, twice, each time I felt a different emotion. I am your coach and I don't even know your name. Please let me get to know you, this is only going to work if we trust each other. Otherwise it'll get very lonely in that arena I promise you." Some of Peeta's power with words seemed to have rubbed off on me, that was one of the few speeches I have spoken in my life and it obviously worked because he sat down beside me.<br>"My name is Ritch, I'm 17, I have three brothers and a sister and my mum teaches at the local school."  
>"What about your dad?" I regretted this question as soon as the words left the comfort of my thoughts.<br>"Down the mines, like every other man in District 12." My idiocy frustrated me and I knew if I kept acting like this I was going to get nowhere.

We sat and talked for a while, I found out that he had a knack for tying ropes and, according to him, was quite good at it, which would become useful in the games if he wanted to make snares and traps to survive. I also found out, not directly, but reading between the lines that he's brave, fearless and quietly confident about the games. He was raised, like every child on District 12, on minimal food- giving us a slight advantage as food isn't of easy find in the arena. After about 20 minutes I decided that I would do this with every tribute, get to know them better and gain their trust, after all there is no I in team I suppose.

After an hour of talking, arguing in some aspects I got to know them a little better. The 16 year old girl, with her cropped black hair and deep green, emerald eyes, was called Lucinda and was made an orphan from birth after her mother died and her father refused she was his. I remember seeing the orphanage from the outside whilst passing it once and to say it was disgusting was an understatement; I couldn't imagine the conditions inside. No-one ever seemed to talk about that part of District 12 and it was seen to be an embarrassment almost situated right on the edge of the District. However, this had made Lucinda more determined to get out of the poverty stricken world there and this was her chance. She wasn't thankful, she was far from that, but she did seem to be relieved. Her words exactly were,

"If I die in these games who will care? I've seen the games every year Katniss. They torture you with the sounds of loved ones; I have nothing to worry about on that front. I have nothing to loose" She did seem to show a hint of hatred for the Capitol and what they were doing and seemed to feel bitter towards the games and everything they stood for. I would have to curb that feeling of anguish before we reached the Capitol, I couldn't have them target her like Peeta and I had been; she would stand no chance if they did. She had no weapon training or preference but she had attacked one of the fellow orphans once with a slingshot she hand-made, I would have to work on this if I was going to keep them alive for as long as possible.

The youngest boy, 13 years old to be exact, was the one who showed the most realistic emotion of all. Fear. Walking into his room I saw him curled up in a ball on his bed, still dressed in his reaping attire, sobbing his heart out. If I had been in this position 16 years ago I wouldn't have known what to do but my motherly instincts took over and I held him until the cried turned into whimpers. When he stopped crying he managed to tell me that his name was Jeremy. He didn't look like he belonged in the Capitol, his bright auburn hair and brown eyes made him look like something the Capitol would house. Talking to Jeremy, who later told me to call him Jezz, I realised he was going to be the easiest one to mentor and I would have to remind myself to tell Peeta later on that I wanted to coach him because out of all four, even Holly, he was the one who seemed to want to learn the most, who seemed like they actually wanted to get out of these games alive. He was raised by his two older brothers and his dad; his mother died giving birth to him. His father was a carpenter and he had had experience and some training from his father as he too realised that with three children the odds were soon going to run out as their names had been all entered many times in exchange for tessera, it turned out that Jezz's name had been on 20 slips of paper, and he was only 13. I admired his bravery when he finally spoke the words that had been on all three tributes minds this afternoon,

"It doesn't matter how much I WANT to win this, because no matter what you look after your own. Holly is your main priority. Your going to save her over any of us, aren't you?" I didn't know how to answer and the call for dinner came before I could even piece together a reasonable answer.

I held back a little and let Jeremy walk to the dining area. He had a beautiful window in his chambers and I walked towards it as the outside world flew past us, I could tell we were getting closer to the Capitol my stomach started to convulse and I felt more and more sick the closer we got. Staring out of the window my thoughts turned to Holly, I hadn't even seen her since we boarded the train and a twinge of guilt surged through me. I did have a little bit of control left as I could over her life, I had made the conscience decision that Haymitch was going to be the one to train Holly, I wanted to show the other tributes that I wasn't going to focus all my attention on Holly and they were going to be treated as equals, because no matter how much I focused my attention on my own daughter I knew that her life was essentially at the hand of the capital and I was sure they would do everything in their power too make the final hours of her life something of a spectacle that no-one across Panem would ever forget.

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><p><strong>THANK YOU for sticking with this long one!<strong>

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**Sarah'1595..**


	7. The Capitol

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><p><span>Chapter 6- The Capitol<span>

Dinner was uneventful I suppose, Effie was impressed with the manners that three of the four tributes had (I couldn't blame Lucinda for having no manners this was the most food she'd ever seen in her life and where she came from you had to eat quickly or you wouldn't eat at all), she talked about the schedule and what to expect when it came to precision and timing, she was so like her mother in many ways. I couldn't shake the feeling that this resembled our games far too much and I could tell Peeta and I shared this underlying fear that things were going to get worse, much worse.

Apart from that dinner ticked by as usual as could be, I didn't recognise the Avox's this year and i was thankful for that small blessing. They all filled themselves until they were almost sick, but things were about to get alot more interesting when I told everyone that Haymitch would be coaching Holly and not Peeta and I. Their reactions weren't unexpected though, Lucinda, Jezz and Ritch were all shocked into silence at my announcement, Holly burst into tears and Peeta abruptly got up from the table and stormed off. The only person who could string some words together were, as per usual, was Effie.  
>"Well more drama I see, this is going to be one eventful games, I can just feel it in my bones." She muttered under her breathe to herself, however considering the silence in the room she may as well have shouted it at the top of her lungs. If only looks could kill Effie would be dead with the piercing glance Jezz just threw her way before putting his arms in a comforting embrace around Holly. Honestly, I was torn. Do I go and find Peeta and try my hardest to explain why I have done this or do I comfort the daughter who's heart I've just torn in two? Seeing Jezz's kindness and the genuine sincerity on the other two's faces I went off to find Peeta.<p>

I found him in an abandoned room, full with cobwebs and god only knows what else. What the hell is he doing in here? Maybe he just found the first room and used it to allow himself to escape the horror of my announcement. I needed to speak to him, get him to understand,  
>"Peeta look-"<br>"No Katniss, just don't."  
>"Please, you need to understand where I'm coming from, why I did what I did. Please just let me explain," the desperation in my voice was evident as I realised my last choice could have cost me everything.<br>"Do you know how I felt the very first time I was in this room Katniss?" He asked totally avoided the path the earlier conversation was taking. I could tell this was a rhetorical question and I wasn't going to answer it, that would only make things worse so I let him carry on. "I didn't cry, I didn't get angry, I was planning." OK so where is he going with this one? I don't think I've ever been in this room before? "I was planning how to save you Katniss. This is where I figured out I would join up with the tributes, where I told myself I was going to admit my feelings for you on national TV because it may have been the last opportunity I had. And I came here when you were getting to know the other tributes last night; I came here not to figure out how to save you, but how to save out daughter, Katniss. But no, I wasn't even allowed that much was I?" This was his room. When we were on our way to the Capitol for the very first time this was his room. I didn't have time to contemplate this as I could see his facial features were the reflection of pure anger and I could only prepare myself for the angry words that were rightfully about to be spat my way.  
>"Holly has half of my DNA Katniss, hell she is more like me than you! But you felt it was right to decide what happened to her; you felt it was OK to just play with her life." I went to argue with that point; I just needed him to see where I was coming from. "Katniss look, I would have probably done the exact same thing as you have, it wouldn't be fair on the other tributes at all, but it would have been nice to have been asked or even informed about what was going to go on! We need to stick together Katniss; we need to be a unit because going into that Capitol tomorrow will not be easy. It holds a multitude of fears and nightmares and we don't only need to create a united front we need to show them that they can't touch us, or our daughter." I was shocked into silence, this turn of events was unexpected and I didn't have the words to reply. I expected him to be angry at me, to want to throw me off the train and never see me again. But Peeta being Peeta was always one step ahead, even without meeting any of the tributes he had come to the decision I had made after an hour of getting to know them. I really wish I could hate him. After a quick embrace we went out to find Holly, I desperately needed to reassure her and explain myself, well try to, for the second time today.<p>

We walked in to find them all gathered around the TV watching the reapings from the other 11 districts. None of them seemed like they really cared who was being reaped from each town and I couldn't understand why. These were the people who they were going to have to kill, they needed to know there faces, their reactions, you could gage a lot from a person's reaction when there name is reaped- why I turned out to be target number one and my name wasn't even the one that was reaped. Haymitch was sat on the single armchair gulping down a large glass of wine, that was going to be the first thing to go if he was going to be the sole person responsible for saving my daughters life. Peeta and I stayed stood behind the couch directly in front of the TV just in time to see the reapings from District 12. As there was so many to get through they didn't worry about Effie's speech at the beginning, something she wasn't best pleased about, and went straight to the reapings directly. I saw Holly's name get called, a close-up of her followed, a flash of fear flew across her face and then she flexed her shoulders and started to walk up towards the stage, the camera panned across the spectators and stopped at me and Peeta. We looked terrible, the colour drained from our faces and Peeta was mid-flashback when the camera zoomed in on us. I could see his head fall from the corner of my eye, he couldn't bare to look at himself like that, it reminded him of everything that happened, everything we were heading straight towards.

Each of the other names were drawn, Lucinda looked thankful, Ritch showed no fear at all and Jezz, Jezz just cried. The audience muttered amongst themselves, no-one had shown real emotion like Jezz had before and they didn't know how to react. Then the announcement was read out that previous tributes would be coaching the current tributes, and it seemed as if the camera already knew what was coming as throughout the whole announcement it was trained on our faces. As the announcement came I saw my mouth fall open and my eyes started to well. I don't even remember starting to cry but apparently I did. One single tear fell down the side of my cheek, Peeta leaned over and whispered the comment about Haymitch, and almost identical to the way Holly had, I flexed my shoulders, grabbed Peeta's hand and walked towards the stage. At that point the camera turned off and a screen with all the tributes faces came on. You could tell the careers from a mile off, I was just figuring out how we were going to take them out, were they going to join up with them? Go off alone? We really hadn't figured any of this out yet and I was mid-thought when the TV suddenly turned off.

"What the hell!" Lucinda shouted. "I was figuring out which one I was going to take out first. That loser from District 2 seems like a good place to start."  
>"Your spirit sweetheart is admirable, but your naivety will be the death of you." Haymitch spoke as he spun the remainder of the wine around in his glass. Admirable? Naivety? Who was this and what had he done with Haymitch? "These tributes are what you all know as 'careers' and odds on they're going to win. The majority of them could throw spears before they could walk, they live for these games and they will not hesitate to kill you extremely brutally." He described grimly as he was circling them as they were sat on the sofas. Considering there was a 12 and a 13 year old in the room he was laying it on a bit thick.<br>"Haymitch, that's enough," Peeta said with an edge of authority to his voice and Haymitch seemed to listen as he sat back down in his armchair mumbling to himself about how they needed to know these things.  
>"Guys, Haymitch is right, yes he shouldn't have put it that way but he is surprisingly right. We need to sit and discuss what ways we are going to approach this. Your about to be thrown into the deep end with no safety belt, you need to have a plan."<br>"What like yours was to declare your undying love for Katniss?" Ritch asked, "Looks like we better fall in love Lucinda" he said, his voice dripping with sarcasm.  
>"Go ahead, make a joke but that only ever worked for me, people have tried it since but you can't fake it. It has to be real, and you may laugh but I'm still alive aren't I? Funnily enough my plan was to just talk my way through it, hopefully using my interview as my main source of sponsors but then I saw Katniss in the opening ceremony on that chariot and I couldn't help it." this was such a lie, I knew he had already planned it, he told me no less than five minutes ago! I wondered where he was going with this and I made a mental note to ask him later on that evening. Nevertheless he continued with his speech, "So we all need to sit around and discuss where you want to go with this, how you want to approach it. We've decided that you all will be trained separately apart from two of you, Holly your with Haymitch, Jezz your with Katniss and I've got Ritch and Lucinda. Everyone OK with that?" he directed the question at Ritch and Lucinda as he knew they would be the ones most likely to protest against it, but they remained silent and simply just nodded their heads. I felt I had to say something, I was just stood here like a mute,<br>"Jezz and Holly do you have a problem with this?" Jezz shook his head and Holly just replied "I don't have much choice do I?" I could feel my daughter slowly slipping away and we weren't even in the Capitol yet.

Peeta, Haymitch and I sat down and asked them individually how they wanted to confront this. Lucinda was set on the idea that she would be presented as confident and sexy. No-one from District 12 had ever taken the sexy route before so this could get interesting. Holly just said all she wanted to be portrayed as was a child of two victors, she felt that spoke volumes in itself, however Jezz and Ritch were unsure of how they wanted to be portrayed, so with brainstorming and a lot of arguing we decided between the five of us that Jezz would be portrayed as the innocent one and Ritch the caring big brother which worked considering he was the oldest and had two younger siblings he could relate to, I didn't like the idea of putting on this front, I would much rather them go out there and be themselves it was their last chance too, however being yourself doesn't get you sponsors and being yourself never created a victor in the history of the Hunger Games.

After strategies were finalised they all headed off in their separate directions for bed, they were going to need all the rest they could get with what was about to face them when the sun rose. Haymitch eventually went off to bed in a depressive mood after we took all alcohol away from him and give him a stern lecture, he never argued with us, just muttered under his breath to himself. Peeta and I stayed up long after they had all gone to bed watching the repeat of the reapings, Peeta was focusing much more on their names and their districts ferociously writing notes beside me, I however, focused much more on their reactions as soon as their names were drawn. The career tributes from Districts 2 and 4 must get bigger every year and both the male and female tributes seemed like they wanted to be there with an almost smug look on their faces as they shook hands and faced the camera. The other tributes had a much more normal approach, the 14 year old girl from District 9 caught my attention and the image of her bursting into tears screaming at the peacekeepers to put her down as they carried her onto stage was welded in my mind. The rest of them showed shock then courage, a few showed fear but only one showed real determination, and that was Holly. None really stood out for me as being dangerous or a threat, obviously the careers were, but none looked secretly dangerous and I was thankful for that small blessing. Considering the circumstances the camera and editing crew have portrayed Holly extremely well, Peeta and I on the other hand looked terrible. Seeing this image of us two for a second time showed to me how unified we really were and I hoped, for the sanity of us both, that that would get us through this. Their names, ages and Districts flashed up before us, just as they had earlier, but unlike earlier I now had time to look at them and really take them in. 15, 16, 14, 17,13,15,15.. Not one of them was 12 years old, my Holly was the youngest out of them all. Peeta must have realised this the same time as me as he through his notepad and pen across the room, clutching his head in his hands.  
>"Why Katniss, why will the odds never be in our favour!" Peeta was getting more and more wound up an I knew if he got himself any more stressed the flashbacks will come in their forces tonight.<br>"Peeta I know, but there are a few 13 year olds and think Holly is almost 13 herself. Peeta look, she's going to be just fine; I have every faith in Haymitch and in her. She wasn't born a loser Peeta, she has nothing but victors blood running through her veins." even if I didn't believe the words myself I knew they would help soothe Peeta. He grabbed me in a tight embrace and we just sat there in each others arms. We were shaken only a few seconds later when we heard a little voice at the door,  
>"Do you really think that mum? Do you really think I can win the games?" Her voice was full of innocence and I realised how hard it must be for her, she has the World on her tiny shoulders.<br>"Come here sweetheart," I patted to the seat in between Peeta and I as he quickly came over and snuggled up to my side. Holly rarely ever showed emotion this physically before, she would usually stand there and give a speech to express her feelings but I guess words were pointless at this stage but I give it a go anyway,  
>"I honestly believe Holly, from the depths of my heart you can do this, like you heard me saying you aren't a loser sweetheart, it's not in your blood to loose. What is about to face you nobody knows darling, you could be thrown into a desert, a forest, the sea and me and your father have tried to prepare you for every option that would be thrown your way." I felt this would be the right time to tell her why Haymitch is coaching her and not her own mother and father, she did need to know. "Which is why we choose Haymitch to be your coach, he got your father and I through the games and has kept us alive still to this day, I trust him with my life Holly, which is why we trust him with yours." From the expression on her face I knew she understood our perspective on things, however Peeta rightly added a bit on the end for his reassurement more than anything.<br>"Holly, you are first and foremost our daughter and if push comes to shove we would save you a thousand times over, but that wouldn't be fair on the others. It doesn't mean we love you any less." Her brow furrowed as she was wondering how to say what was on her mind. When she finally figured out how to string the words together she said in the most heartbreaking voice,  
>"But, I don't want to disappoint you in the arena." my heart broke, and I could see my pain reflected in Peeta's face. I couldn't find the words to reply so Peeta did,<br>"Oh holly. We will never ever be disappointed in you, everything you have done in your 12 years, nothing has disappointed me or your mother and I'm pretty sure you won't start now. Whatever you choose to do In that arena is your choice, you're a smart girl Holly and whatever you choose, me your mum and your brother will be right behind you." This was the confirmation she seemed to need as she nestled into me even more and fell asleep listening to me humming the 'Hangman Tree'. When she was in a deep sleep Peeta picked her up and carried her into her room, something he hadn't done since she was about 6, and I could tell he was cherishing this moment just as much as I was as the realisation sunk in that there may be a lot less moments like this and every one needed to be cherished why we could. As Peeta tucked Holly in I went to check on the other three children. They all seemed fast asleep, but the redness to their eyes showing how much the days events have caught up with them and that the task of falling asleep was no easy one.

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><p>We woke the next morning to Effie screeching at us to wake up. Peeta and I had both had rough nights, as expected, and entwined in each others arms we really didn't want to leave the safeness of our bed to the horrors that we would face today. We showered and got dressed, I purposely braided my hair the way my mother had for my very first reaping all those years ago. I knew all cameras would be trained on me and Peeta and I wanted to show them I still had a bit of the old Katniss Everdeen in me and this simple gesture was innocent but strong enough to make a point and I was sure they'd pick up on it. I was the last one to enter the dining carriage and I took my seat next to Peeta, he saw my hair and gave me that mischievous smile that I hadn't seen in years and my heart doubled in its speed. Holly pulled me out of my trance when she asked me if I could braid her hair the way mine was, I reluctantly agreed, it was OK me making a point but I didn't want Holly to also become number one target, I could deal with what they would throw at me, she couldn't. However I still braided it, just like mine because this could be one of the last few times I get to have this connection with my daughter and I was going to cherish every minute of it.<br>As I was finishing my cup of coffee that was thrusted in my face but Effie I realised they had no clue what was coming, I make such a useless coach, thank god I didn't have to do it every year- I could already feel a bond forming between me and these children. Before I got the chance to warn them about everything from cameras to stylists Lucinda beat me to it.  
>"So what happens now then? We're almost there and we don't have a clue what's going on." Haymitch was the first to answer and as he spoke I got a strange sense of Dave ja vu...<p>

_In a few minutes, we'll be pulling into the station. You'll be put in the hands of your stylists. You're not going to like what they do to you. But no matter what it is, don't resist," says Haymitch._

_"But -" I begin._

_"No buts. Don't resist," says Haymitch. He takes the bottle of spirits from the table and leaves the car. As the door swings shut behind him, the car goes dark. There are still a few lights inside, but outside it's as if night has fallen again. I realize we must be in the tunnel that runs up through the mountains into the Capitol._

And almost as if just on que the surroundings of the carriage went dark signalling that we were in the tunnel leading to the Capitol. The anticipation of what was waiting for us at the end of this dark hole made the tunnel feel as if it was going on forever, until the train started to slow down, I grabbed Peeta's hand in reassurance. As all four of them rushed to the window and the bright lights flooded the compartment one thought was etched at the front of my mind. It took on the sadistic voice of Snow himself and those two words I had wished I would never have to hear, that had tortured my dreams for years left his mouth. Welcome back.

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><p><strong>I hope you enjoyed! <strong>

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**Sarah'1595!**


	8. Reality

**I am SO SO SO SORRY for the time it has taken me to get this chapter up, what with exams, results and my internet being down I havent been able to get this chapter up! It has been written for ages!**

**Thank you so much for your ongoing support and I can see from the stats that people are still reading this so thank you so much for your patience and dedication!**

**So here it is! Major twist in this chapter- so enjoy!**

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><p>Chapter 7- Reality<p>

Pulling into the station I could see nothing had changed. The reporters still wanted to ram their microphones down your throat and the cameras were still poised directly on your face, you didn't have space to move, let alone breathe. The one good thing, perhaps, that Snow had introduced was that tributes and coaches got to ride in a ready and waiting golf cart to take them to the Remake Centre where they would be waxed, plucked and groomed till they didn't even look like themselves anymore; I didn't envy them.

After we dropped them off, according to Haymitch, we go and meet the Gamemakers and are formally introduced to the Head Gamemaker himself. I had this nagging feeling deep inside my stomach even since he said where we were going, I didn't know if it was the fact I was about to meet the man who was planning the arena that may kill my daughter or how I was going to be in the presence of someone so evil and sadistic, I didn't know why but the idea made my skin crawl and I didn't want to have to engage in conversation with the man.  
>Until I had the children I never knew why a man was always head Gamemaker and not a woman. A woman wouldn't be so sadistic and inhumane towards children; men never had the maternal instinct that women did. There could only be one survivor and a woman, especially a mother, wouldn't be able to choose one, she would try to save them all, I already knew that feeling with the four tributes from my own district, I couldn't imagine having 26 to deal with.<p>

The stopping of the cart abruptly jolted me out of my trance and the realisation of what I was about to do came tumbling down on me and I felt physically sick. Peeta could sense my hesitation and held my hand tightly, a gesture of support in which gave me the strength to move my legs forward and into the training centre where this meeting would take place. We walked into the foyer where the other coaches had gathered. I recognised a few from past games, I had tried not to watch them over the years but it was so hard- the games were everywhere. There was, however one young girl caught my eye, from which games I cannot remember, but she looked no older than 13 years old. She must have been from a recent games but my mind was rejecting the idea that I remember, she reminded me far too much of Rue and I wondered why Snow had allowed her to come here, the poor girl wouldn't be able to train tributes, she was barely out of the games before she was being flung back into them.

Peeta tensed his hand around mine a little tighter as we realised where we had walked into. A memory that everyone in this room would want to forget, one which me and Peeta had to live through twice. The training room. Where we would have to give our best performances to be marked out of twelve, where I shot the arrow into the apple in the pigs mouth. The memory made me smile as that simple gesture got me an eleven and made me the prime suspect for the career's to kill first. My memories were interrupted by the announcement of the Gamemakers, the traditional mixture of about twenty or so men and women all dressed in deep purple robes with their traditional Capitol multi-coloured rainbow hairstyles, they take there positions and stay standing for the entrance of the Head Gamemaker. The national anthem played, as all the men and women put their right hand on their hearts I couldn't help feeling this was far to over-dramatic for one man, one man who was a murderer. He walked into the room and I could feel my stomach starting to turn, I shouldn't even be here, I had put all this behind me, I had a family, a husband, I didn't want this. I could feel the panic rising in my throat until I saw his face. My entire body turned to rock. I had been thrusted into my worst nightmare, however this was my reality. Snow was ruining my life bit by bit, taking every person away from me that I loved dearly. My inside roared to life before I did and I managed to get outside before my guts churned and I threw up the contents of my breakfast. I could hear Peeta calling my name, he must have realised the same thing that I had. The Head Gamemaker wasn't a murderer, nor was he sadistic. With his bright green Capitol cropped hair and his facial tattoo he was a million miles away from the World Peeta and I had come from, where he had come from. The Head Gamemaker this year, was Gale Hawthorne.

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><p>I wasn't going to go back into that building, listen to him spout the shit that he had once vented his anger about on one of our hunting trips. That Gale, the one that was my best friend, the one that I could take refuge with. Now, he was just one of them, better yet, he had never met my children, he doesn't even know they exist yet he is planning the very arena that will perhaps kill one of them. How could he do this? He would have known this would happen; I'm gonna kill him. It would be easy, he obviously hasn't been hunting in the Capitol, he would have lost his touch and I could take him out easily. I could sneak into the training centre, steal the bow and find him, drive an arrow through his stone cold heart. This inner scheming took me all the way back to our room, where it all became to much and it all came crumbling down on me as I become a bundle on the floor, my body wracking with sobs. I couldn't do this, when I knew he was about to kill my daughter essentially, why was Snow doing this? Peeta came running through the elevator door before it had even half opened and was by my side in seconds. I could tell he had been running, his face was a shade of sapphire and his breathe was fast and distorted. He sat on the floor beside me, just holding me until my sobs subsided. When I started to calm down a little Peeta reminded me that we still has the opening ceremony and the interviews to sit through, and unlike Haymitch was, I was determined to be there for the tributes and put on a brave face. Holly cannot know the position that her 'Uncle Gale' holds in this sick twisted game she's about to enter. The stylist's would hold the tributes until Peeta and I meet them at the chariots. I wondered what they would be wearing this year; that was part of the games I could say I was remotely interested in. Ever since Peeta and I showed up in those flaming costumes everyone has tried to regurgitate Cinna's unique design, and have failed immensely. One that I found the most amusing had to be the attempt by District 4 three or four years after our failed rebellion. They had tried to create a chariot that moved like the waves, the mechanics on it failed and they ended up walking the rest of the journey, that was the most amusement the Hunger Games had bought me in all the years of my existence.<p>

I'd realised we didn't have much time so getting ready would have to be rushed. My shower was one of the quickest I've ever had and Peeta's was even quicker, I could tell he was creating an attachment to these tributes and he wanted to be there for them all in their final days just as much as I did. We were both put into matching outfits by our stylists; who didn't stop to say their names. My hair was pulled into a band then allowed to hang down my back in curls and I wore a skin tight dress that hung off one shoulder, it was a deep purple colour and just made me look dull, what with my dark brown hair and my dark eyes everything seemed far too dark and mysterious, well who knows maybe thats the look they were going for. Peeta, however couldn't have been more opposite if he tried, his black suit in which the blazer was done up by one single button revealing the dark purple shirt he wore to match me underneath, contrasted with his blonde hair and blue eyes perfectly. My heart stuttered a little when I first saw him, he reminded me just of how he did on our wedding day and my love for him was still as strong now as it ever has been. But I couldn't shake the feeling that they were making us look like complete opposites and trying to separate us already. My heart ached for Cinna knowing he would have tried to show us as united as possible and given us outfits that worked to our strengths, not ones that emphasised our weaknesses. I tried to protest but, just like all of the Capitol's inhabitants, they wouldn't take no for an answer.

Before I knew it we were stood at District 12's chariot waiting for the tributes. It was disturbingly bigger than the rest and sat there as a reminder of what I done all those years ago, the events that caused four innocent children to partake in this diabolical annual event.  
>The first tribute to come down was Lucinda, she was dressed in a black Lycra suit and her hair had as much volume in it as her short hair could. Honestly, she looked amazing,<br>"Hey, check me out! I have never looked this good ever! Misha was working on me all day and hell it worked!" She seemed happy and excited, I didn't know why but my thought stream was halted when she spun round in a full circle. There was a giant twelve on the back of her suit in the centre of her back, everybody knew where these tributes were from, why did they have to make it more obvious? Peeta, again, was on the same wave as me when he asked,  
>"Lucinda why is there a massive twelve on the back of your suit?"<br>"Oh yeah" she replied, "it was Tane's idea. He didn't want to focus on just us being on fire, four people alone. He wanted to represent the entire district being on fire, show that we, and I quote, 'haven't lost our spark'." So he was going to set the number 12 on fire, sounds genius as no-one since Peeta and I's failed rebellion has dared to use the fire, until no. In that moment of reflection I had missed Jezz and Ritch joining us. They both had identical Lycra suits on with the 12 on the back. I wondered if Ritch was taking this whole 'big brother' image seriously as he held a protective arm around Jezz's shoulder as the poor boy looked petrified. Peeta went up to him and gave him a reassuring pat on the shoulder before he went and checked the chariot over for the last time. I was beginning to get anxious as Holy hadn't come in yet, and I hadn't seen her all day, my anxiety didn't have time to transfer into a full scale panic attack as I, and every other person in the room. saw her walk into the room. Her long blonde hair flowed down past her shoulders in big curls and her eye make-up was more noticeable and fierce against her fair skin. She too wore the matching Lycra suits and she looked stunning in it. She didn't look 12 years old, in fact she looked older than some of the 15/16 year olds here. My breathe was hitched in my throat and I imagine this was how I would feel on her wedding day, even though the circumstances where entirely different the emotions weren't. Pride, that I could have made something this beautiful.  
>Happiness, in the fact that if these were to be her last days she would go out leaving a lasting impression.<br>And sadness, that I was going to loose her, my only daughter.

The time came when they had to board the chariot. One by one Tane lit the 12 on the back of their suits. It look magnificent, the orange, red and yellow of the fire contrasted perfectly with the midnight black of the suit and the message that the whole of District 12 was on fire certainly got across. One by one the chariots left the building to the roar of the crowd. District one, two and four obviously getting the biggest cheer but I could feel the anticipation in the air. What would 'The Girl on Fire's' daughter come out in? Would it be boring and dull like last year? The crowd were about to get their answer as the chariot sprung to life, just as it was about to leave the building I saw Ritch's arm go around Jezz in a protective manor, Lucinda was already waving and Holly had turned around to mouth the words 'girl on fire'' to Peeta and I. I knew this was aimed at me, Peeta could put on a brilliant performance in public, but as the years went on my ability to create a façade failed me, I really didn't know how I was going to get through this experience, then just as the chariot was about to enter the lions den I saw her straighten up, with her shoulders back I could only imagine the expression on her face and I knew how I would get through this. I would be just like my 12 year old daughter, strong, calm, dignified and I would fight for her to survive, just like I had fought to protect Prim and my mother all those years ago, I would now fight to protect my daughter. To protect my family.

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><p><strong>OOOOOOO Gale is the Head Gamemaker, were you expecting that?<strong>

**I am so sorry for making you wait this long and I hope I kept you intrgued the entire way through this chapter!**

**In the next chapter you will see the interviews and the training scores for each!**

**Hope to see you on the next chapters!**

**That one will be up quicker I promise!**

**As normal please review!**

**Thank you for making it this far.. It's going to get a lot more bumpy!**

**Sarah'1595**


	9. Defiance

Hello Hello Hello loyal readers!

Thank you so much for sticking by me! Sorry this took so long!- microsoft word wouldn't let me write anymore for some mystical reason! I will never understand technology!

Hope you enjoy and this was worth the wait!

Sarah'1595

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><p>Chapter 8- Defiance<p>

Whilst the tributes were being paraded like prize animals we were driven through a back route to the training centre where we would meet them again in our apartments. I never expected to see anyone on our drive; I presumed they would all be at the opening ceremony, placing their bets on who would survive, or be the first to die. My thoughts were consumed with thoughts of how Holly was doing, what angle she would attack this with, if she would crumble under the pressure? My little girl shouldn't have to do this; she was so young and vulnerable. I feared that throughout these games people would forget how young she was, how easily she could crack, 12 years old- no 12 year old should have to endure this.

This was why we wanted the games abolished; to give children a chance to live, experience the wonders of life. This wasn't in honour of the Capitol, to show how strong we are as a country; it was to show how weak we were individually. My poor girl had to pay the price for our mistakes. Gale knew this, he was the one who used to tell me all this in the forest on one of our many hunting trips. He told me all this! He knew it! Now he was the one orchestrating it. The long list of names I could through his way where endless, but something snapped my attention away.

The murmur of the crowd was acting as loud background noise for the journey, but now they were silent. The only noise evident was the sound of the engine as it rolled us into, what seemed like, a massive garage where we would meet the tributes. They should be in here by now, both trainer and tribute usually always arrived simultaneously, not this year it seems. My body took me to the TV that was positioned on the wall opposite me. My mind couldn't work out the scene in front of me. My four tributes were being told to stand in front of their chariot, but were refusing. I could see the anger in Snow's old rigid face as my tributes were refusing. Jezz's face was the only one that showed fear; the other three were stood with their backs straight, emotionless faces, all holding hands. I was pleading with them to get off the chariot, for their sake alone. Just stand there and accept the fact that they would be singled out, they were always going to be the outsiders. My body was rooted to the spot, wondering what Snow's next move would be. His face started to relax, as he just put his arm up gesturing for the chariots to move to where we were. I wish I knew what was going on in his head at that very moment, how he was going to punish my tributes as I knew they would not be allowed to get away with the act of defiance they showed tonight and the person delivering that punishment would be the green-haired, facial patterned Gale. My former best friend, now my worst enemy.

The looks that tributes and coaches alike gave District 12 were unexplainable. Some showed anger, others disgust, the majority sympathy. Tane was causing a scene, shouting about how others should mind their own business, reminding them that they were going into the arena also. If Effie wasn't angered by the initial display of 'rudeness', if you want to call it that, shown by the four tributes Tane's show of anger was about to throw her over the edge. She just pointed to the lift where we all congregated swiftly, none of us stopping for much conversation. Personally, I didn't know what to say to four children who had just denied the Capitol of a 20 odd year tradition, ultimately ending their life. What do I say when I know, regardless of how hard I tried, they weren't going to make it out of the arena alive now.

The lift was silent and when the doors opened on the 12th floor, Jezz ran to his room, tears streaming down his face. Ritch went to follow, but for some reason stopped himself, perhaps realising there were no cameras up here to act in front of. Everyone else sat in front of the TV, ready to watch the ceremony back. No-one was willing to break the silence, until Peeta finally spoke out.

"I don't condone what you did out there today at all, Katniss and I now have the impossible task of protecting you but hell, the look on his face! I thought he would explode the old hag! It's about time he popped his clogs and I thought you four were going to make him! You may have just made the biggest statement anyone has seen in 24 years." You what? Did Peeta really just say that? He was ENCOURAGING them; I was going to kill him. He shouldn't be encouraging them to make ridiculous life choices such as these! Before I could voice my grievances Effie had beaten me to it,

"You idiot! This was a clear defiance against the Capitol and Snow himself! They will be punished for this! And to think I choose District 12, I do not know how my mother did it!" She wandered off on her own mental tangent whilst I signalled for Peeta to follow me to our room. Once the door was shut I let the rage consume me.

"You fucking idiot! Do you realise what you've just encouraged?" How could you be so stupid?" The look on his face showed me that he wasn't ready for the outburst and I had never sworn at him before, until now. When he finally found his voice he replied in an exasperated tone.

"Katniss, these children are the future; they represent everything that we stood for. What you don't understand is everyone will now see them, what they did- they can't edit that bit out!"

"That's not the point, look where we are now Peeta! Do you want Holly to end up like this? If she even survives this her children will never ever be safe. Always looking over her shoulder, never feeling safe or comfortable. This is the worse thing any of those four tributes could have done!"

"No Katniss, it isn't. They have shown the whole of Panem there is a way out, shown them that it is possible to say no. Our country has lived in fear for the majority of our lives and the only bit of hope we had was our rebellion and that candle of hope was swiftly blown out, before the flame could even take hold. They try to contain spark's Katniss and I have a feeling that this spark, they won't contain Katniss, there was one of you and four of them." I had nothing to say to that, he had a point. I just sat on the bed running my hands through my hair, we faced an impossible challenge and this single act of defiance wasn't going to make it any easier on us, and I will be reminding him of that when we are finding it impossible to gain sponsors, I mean come on, who's going to want to sponsor rebels- everyone knows how that'll end and in this day and age no-one is willing to take that risk, there's to much too loose.

The training passed without much excitement, thank God. None of the tributes were too keen to share their stories in the training room and believed they had no real talents, apart from Lucinda of course. She was ecstatic that she had made friends with the "hot guy" from District 1, I tried to warn her that this was dangerous. But no, Lucinda knew what was best, apparently. Jezz mentioned how he had threw a sword into a dummies heart, but brushed it off as a lucky shot. Ritch never said a word about training and Holly wasn't the least vocal but I had hoped she would have made an impression and my lesson's had rubbed off on her, regardless of her detesting them she must have learnt something, surely? The time had come to split them up between Peeta and I and I was disliking the idea more and more as time went on. The only way for them to stand a chance of survival was to stick together and us breaking them up wouldn't be beneficial at all. They had power in numbers, they could use that to their advantage, if nothing else. I expressed these grievances to Peeta and he agreed, yes it would make our lives harder but that was a small price to pay in comparison to the price these children would have to pay.

The third day approached where they would have to individually show their skills to be marked out of 12. I had hoped that Jezz's lucky shot with the knife had been noticed by one gamemaker at least, I was starting to become fond of him and I didn't want them to make him an easy target by giving him a low mark. Honestly, I was in the same position as everyone else in Panem in regards to the talents my tributes had. They were less than willing to share them and that annoyed me. I was there coach and whether Peeta knew something I didn't we were both in the dark.

I was so nervous, I felt useless sat up in the apartment doing nothing whilst they were being assessed. I paced up and down the room, got something to eat. Watched some pointless TV. Replays of past games, then mine and Peeta's flicked onto the screen and I couldn't help but watch. The chemistry between Peeta and I was evident, I could see it more than ever. The way we mirrored eachothers chemistry, he moved, I moved. The scene where we thought we were both dead after hearing Foxface's cannon almost bought me to tears, the genuine fear was on show for the World to see. No wonder Snow was pissed at us. If true love could prevail in such barbaric conditions, anything was possible. I never loved my husband more, after seeing the children for the first time, there wasn't a time when I loved him more. After everything he had been through he still remained my Peeta, the one that saved me- in every way possible. A single tear rolled down my cheek and I quickly wiped it away when I heard the approaching footsteps. It was Holly.

"How did it go?" I heard Peeta say, "what did you do? Show them? What was their reaction?" the worry in his voice was evident, and even though he was trying to hide it, I knew he was scared she did something outlandish and ruined her chances completely.

"I shot straight." was all she said. No emotion was etched on her face.

"Did it hit the target?" I automatically asked. The response was immediate and the shock on her face showed disgust that I would even ask that question.

"Of course mum, I couldn't shot them. So I pretended the target was them and shot it dead on the target. I think they were expecting that because as soon as I did I heard the head gamemaker sigh, I left after that." Gale sighed at her response? Why would he do that? What more did he expect, she was my daughter- why wouldn't she shoot? I just had time to say well done and give her a cuddle before Lucinda came up in an extremely flustered state.

"Are you okay Lucinda? What happened?" I asked, as all four of us rushed towards her.

"I'm not too sure, I hadn't really been paying attention in training, thus meaning I had no real talent. I started to attempt to camouflage myself but I could see them beginning to get bored," oh no, I knew where this was going. "So I just left. I really wish I hadn't though because my arm was actually beginning to look like a tuft of grass." Thank God that was all she did, I feared her most causing some kind of stur and an unconscience breathe I never knew I was holding finally released itself. Just as the lift opened and Jezz came into view. He looked slightly smug and I wondered what he could have done.

"Before you ask, I showed my survival skills, creating a fire, tying knots etc, but I just felt it wasn't enough." Are you serious? That was fine! Why do these tributes think what they do is never enough? "So I remembered over hearing a conversation you two were having the other night about sparks so I just stood up and said, 'A spark needs to be contained does it not? I warn you now, I have nothing to loose, I may be a small young spark but a spark nevertheless. Remember Gale, a spark."

Oh shit. No-one knew what to say, he had stunned us all into silence- even Lucinda. Not Jezz, oh no please not Jezz. He was the only one that hadn't posed any real threat to Snow or Gale. An incident boy who had the unlucky fate of being reaped, who because of this now stuck out like a bright red thumb. Then before anyone could scould him, or even congratulate him Ritch was there and after seeing our reaction slapped Jezz on the back.

"Nice on mate, knew you would do it." He said with a proud grin on his face. I don't know what had happened between these two but something led to Jezz acting the way he did and I had a funny feeling it had something to do with Ritch.

"How did your individual session go Ritch?" Peeta said when he finally found his voice.

"Fine. Threw a few things and hit a target with a spear, you know the usual. But they were all shook up when I came in. Something to do with little Jeremy here I'm guessing!"

"Yes, Jeremy." I said, taking an authoritive tone "why did you do that? That conversation was personal between Peeta and I and you had no reason to easedrop on it. However, there is nothing we can do now. You have to be prepared to face the consequences of your actions today and they won't be pretty Jezz." Before I knew it Holly had Jezz up against the wall,

"You idiot! You have put us all in danger by doing this! Don't you realise how tough it was going to be for mum and dad to get us sponsors and now you've gone and made it impossible when they give you a score of 0! You will be number one target you fool!" Ritch and Lucinda were pulling Holly away and I couldn't help but remember the same incident happening with Peeta and I after his interview, when he admitted his love for me. I sure hoped these two weren't heading in the same direction.

"No Holly, you don't understand. Jezz has made a stand. He looked weak at the opening ceremony and this has made him look strong! Not like a walk over, and not a huge red target!" Ritch was shouting at Holly now, his voice rising higher and higher with ever word.

"I will not die because of his actions Ritch! You seem to forget some of us also have sweet f-all to loose but we're not going around shouting our mouths of about fire and sparks!" Lucinda had found her voice and I could tell this was going to take a dangerous path. A boy/girl split was starting to show and I couldn't have this happening. Peeta was on the same wave length at me when walked into the middle of them all and interrupted.

"STOP! All of you stop! You are fighting eachother, when you should be focusing your attention on fighting other people. Yes, what Jezz done was extremely stupid but you have an advantage that no other District have." The look on there faces showed that they evidently didn't know where Peeta was going with this, so they easily let him continue on. "There are four of you, all of you with varying talents and skills. Straight away you are at an advantage and you don't even realise! They only have two people per District and have to rely on alliances with other Districts to create a pack, you already have one made and ready, don't fall at the last hurdle. They have assessed you individually, they have no idea how strong you are together." The realisation of Peeta's word was slowly sinking in and I watched as there faces turned to realisation. Holly turned round apologising to Jezz for the way she acted out, and I was so proud of her. That she could willing work together with someone, put aside her grievances and take charge. A trait I never seemed to possess, seems I could learn something from my daughter here, in the worst of conditions she was still surprising me. Jezz apologised for his actions and the others seemed to forgive him. Peeta was so persuasive and I wondered how he did it, I really was in awe of him.

The rest of the evening passed without any more drama, until we sat down to watch the scores. I was so nervous, the amount of emotions my body had to deal with today were to much and I thought I was going to break down at any moment, but I couldn't- they needed me more than ever. The voice of an unfamiliar host drifted through the room. I only paid attention to our results, I couldn't worry myself with anyone else's;

Holly-Rue Everdeen- 9, that was perfect, wasn't to high and wasn't to low- wouldn't make her a real target for anyone to kill first, giving her time. This was a good start,

Lucinda Perrydew- 7, that's okay. Now the one we were all dreading.

Jezz Wicker- 10. WHAT! I would of thought they would have learnt from last time, giving someone a high score doesn't stop them becoming dangerous, it makes them more of a target. I dropped my head into my hands, I had grown fond of Jezz and this was not going to help him, not at all.

Ritch Newman- 9, three out of four of the scores were reasonable and good. I could work with that, however I had a feeling Peeta was going to need more than just words to gain little Jezz sponsors. Word would spread about what he said, no-one would take the risk. It wasn't worth it, the thought scared me and I realised that Jezz had just kissed goodbye to every chance he had of living on paper, statistically it would never happen. But I was Katniss Everdeen, I would keep the four of them alive for as long as possible, if it was the last thing I ever did.

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><p>PLEASE review!<p>

Not so long this time I PROMISE!

Thanks for being so so loyal! Means alot when I still get people reading and becoming interested in my story.

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Thanks again,

Sarah'1595


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